The Contest
by AshtakRa
Summary: Thanks to Chuck the team are acting oddly, Sheppard has delusions of grandeur, Teyla is inciting orgies, Ronon is singing ballads and McKay is doing something decidedly unMcKaylike oh yeah and Weir is just confused and feeling left out. slash mm


**The Contest**

_By AshtakRa_

Fandom: Stargate Atlantis

Setting: Anytime in Season 2 or 3, as long as all the team are there

Characters: Sheppard, Weir, Teyla, Ronon, McKay and of course Chuck, if that is his real name – everyone's favourite gate tech.

Genre: Humour, with a touch of romance

Summary: Thanks to Chuck the team are acting oddly, Sheppard has delusions of grandeur, Teyla is inciting orgies, Ronon is singing ballads and McKay is doing something decidedly unMcKay-like; oh yeah and Weir is just confused and feeling left out.

**THE CONTEST**

_Mission 1_

It had started with just that one look.

As with almost every mission involving SGA1 Weir was on tender-hooks awaiting their return. She hovered, checked data – rechecked data, and then asked Chuck to check it again. The power, the shield, are the marines in place – is the doctor on standby? Yes, yes, yes. Gate technician? Chuck was beginning to realise what a broad description that title actually meant.

So when the team returned Weir was the first, and usually the only person who greeted them upon arrival back at Atlantis. Chuck was not even sure if the team knew his name, since they hurried away to the meeting room, or the infirmary or the canteen (if it was McKay). It may have been Chuck who dialled them out, who ensured the shield was down and who spoke with them on the check-ins but it was always "Atlantis to Sheppard" or "McKay to Atlantis".

Chuck was seriously considering replacing the Canadian flag on his sleeve with his name tag, since he had overheard one the marines describe him as 'that tech guy, you know the little Canadian'. Little tech guy! Chuck had served as a Peacekeeper; been wounded twice and accepted into the special services – then he had taken this assignment!

Angry as this sometimes made him it seemed trivial when they were constantly battling for survival so Chuck kept silent and said nothing unless asked, never volunteered information unless absolutely necessary and took a back seat when SGA1 returned so that Weir could always have her special moment and smile at Sheppard, and say 'welcome back _John'_. Just once Chuck would like to welcome back SGA1, he welcomed back dozens of other teams, but never the number one team – never the unit with the person he really wanted to know his name.

He should have done nothing, he should have sat back like every other time – but when Weir once again almost skipped down the stairs to welcome back her favourite team and, in Chuck's opinion, almost planted one on Sheppard – Chuck just cracked and actually rolled his eyes and mimicked a socialite 'hello darlings' with his mouth, air kisses and all and a little royal wave.

It was just one look, and yes a little playacting and wave but how could he have really thought they would notice? At first he thought they hadn't, but then after they disentangled themselves from Weir's incessant questions and were leaving the room Sheppard actually looked right up at Chuck and winked, a knowing smile on his face. Ronon was grinning in amusement, McKay's lip was quivering in mirth and Teyla had a definite mock serious expression.

_Mission Two_

If only that had been the end of it – if only they had just left it alone, if only he had just tried to forget it ever happened.

But then Chuck and the team started to try and outdo themselves – all behind Weir's back.

The next time they returned Chuck took out a tissue and wiped his eyes while waving a miniature American flag (it went totally against his Canadian pride but then he was being ironic).

In response Sheppard walked right past Weir to the middle of the room and in a loud voice announced, "I am back my people, you may now rest easy and know that whenever you are frightened, whenever the scary things get you down – just whisper the name," he raised his arms and pointed back at himself, "…Sheppard, and without fear you may sleep snug, as a bug, in a rug!"

Sniggers and gasps burst out across the room and Weir, raising that one damned eye-brow asked him if he should perhaps go to the infirmary to be 'checked over'.

Sheppard declined and as he left once again gave a clandestine wink in Chuck's direction while the rest of the team tried to stop from laughing.

_Mission Three_

The next took a little more planning on Chuck's part, and some training on his own time – and a very embarrassing request to one of the medical staff, her only request had been to watch the result.

As Weir simpered at John and could barely keep her knees from trembling at his return her observation powers kicked in – the team had just stepped through the gate and while apparently listening to her and John talk their attention seemed to waver. Even more intriguing was the half smirk on John's face as he announced a successful meet and greet (which he usually sulked about as a waste of time), Teyla biting her lip to stop from laughing, Ronon suddenly looking to the side while his hand tightened on his holstered weapon so much it must have hurt (more to prevent himself bursting out in laughter) and McKay trying to look everywhere but directly at Weir while his eyes watered from holding in the laughter.

Something was definitely up and she spun around to glare behind her, getting that same weird feeling like when people had made fun of her in school. But apart from some inappropriate smiles from the gate room staff nothing seemed amiss, everyone was at their stations, the ever reliable Chuck was busy doing a diagnostic and even the med team seemed on the ball, one of them already here and waiting just in case of an emergency.

Suddenly Teyla stepped forward and raising her arms high she clapped loudly and smiled broadly saying in a sing song voice,

"Hear me brave and beautiful people of Atlantis,

We come back to you now on the cusp of day's end.

Just as my heart sings at the very sight of your vibrant souls,

May you find harmony in the company of others this night.

Seek,

Sing,

Dance

And love

For it is truly a night for life to push back the night."

She finished with a ceremonial bow and stepped back into the group.

As Weir regained her power of speech she mumbled to John if there was something she should know. He responded with a shrug and an offhand reference to annual ritual amongst Teyla's people. Weir nodded as if the explanation was entirely reasonable.

But Sheppard did not see her response since his eyes were on a Canadian technician who, while the picture of innocence now, had only a short time earlier been doing a full cheerleader routine with dance moves and even a blonde wig. While not certain John suspected that the Canadian had spelt out a name during the routine.

As he gave the perfunctorily wink John was certain he saw a blush on the technician's face as he looked up at SGA1, and at one of them in particular. Perhaps, thought John, Teyla's little performance was more prediction than parody, and as he glanced back at Teyla and saw that glint in her eyes his suspicion was confirmed.

He whispered to himself more than anyone else, "Harmony in the company of others indeed."

A few hours later, after coming off shift, Chuck walked into his quarters and stopped dead in his tracks – he was enough of a soldier to know when someone else was in the room, even when he could not see them.

"Hello," he meekly whispered, while at the same time reaching for the hidden knife strapped to his back.

A hand prevented him from releasing the knife but Chuck instantly relaxed as he sensed who it was.

"We seem to have the seeking and dancing out of the way," the shadowy figure whispered, "and we can do away with the singing I think; so that just leaves us with…."

"You think I'm gong to surrender that quickly," said Chuck huskily, "This game is far from over."

"Oh I'm counting on it," said the intruder as Chuck was spun around and lips clamped onto his.

All over the city similar couplings happened as people took Teyla's performance to heart, some danced and some even sang, but most sought and found – if not love then the next best thing.

_Mission Four_

This time it was a group effort; as the team stepped out of the gate and Weir almost jumped on John, the row of people starting with Chuck waved their arms in the air in a classic Mexican wave. The team had been away for several days and they had encountered some Wraith so Weir had other things on her mind than the spate of strange activity in the control room, although she had made a report on the sudden rise in relationships in Atlantis – ever since _that_ night.

Part of her still couldn't look McKay in the eye, honestly! The man turns up with a single 'rose' (or a close Pegasus version) and all opposition in her just melted away. Luckily she came to her senses the next day and remembered where her true passion lay, John 'one smile says it all' Sheppard.

Carrying on the stadium like appeal of the situation Chuck flipped into a handstand and 'walked' hand over hand down the railing as the pre-programmed monitors lit up with digital fire-works and a flashing 'home run' text insert. Exciting as it was the most comical part for the SGA1 team was the lack of noise.

A moment before Weir looked around Chuck regained his feet and the monitors switched back to their default displays. This time though she did catch him adjusting his uniform and her suspicion kicked in, something was going on and this time she would get to the bottom of it. Just as she made to move up the stairs however a deep voice started humming behind her. With a look of shock she spun back to see that Ronon had moved to the centre of the room and was swaying and humming a tune.

Once he had everyone's attention Ronon broke into song, using his surprisingly smooth singing voice to lull his audience while clicking his fingers to keep the beat,

_"I've been on some ships that never give up;_

_From the Daedalus to Aurora and those bloody Wraith darts,_

_But no matter how far_

_Or how wide I roam_

_I still call Atlantis home._

_I've always been running_

_Cause I love bein' free"_

As he continued Weir just stood staring, not quite believing if this was real and wondering why no-one else looked surprised. Intrigued and moved, but not one person in the whole room looked like this was something unusual. Either she was going mad or they all were, she glared at McKay, suspecting this may be his revenge for her dumping him – if not acknowledging their night together could be considered a dumping.

_"No matter how far_

_Or how wide I roam_

_I still call Atlantis Home"_

Ronon finished the final chorus with a drawn out baritone and bowed low before checking his gun and stalking from the room.

Weir just put her head in her hands and without looking returned to her office.

_Mission Five_

Chuck slumped back into his chair and looked at the team expectantly, the pole dancing routine had been difficult to master – especially the sultry look while hanging upside down on a slim metal pipe while rubbing his nipples, at least he had left his clothes on.

Lorne had made him promise on pain of death to never reveal who had taught him the pole dance, it was a safe bet thought Chuck, who would believe him anyway.

Somehow John had kept Weir's attention throughout the whole routine, his steely expression not dropping once, although his eyebrows did rise during the nipple rubbing. Teyla had had to bury her eyes in her hands at one point and Ronon had seemed part repulsed and half transfixed – they had probably never had anything like it on his world. As soon as Chuck finished however McKay stepped forward and put one hand on Weir's hip, the other in her hand and held it out straight.

He looked at with heat in his eyes, "Tango?"

With that the beat of the el Tango Roxanne clip from Moulin Rouge came on (the only tango music they had in their database) and McKay whizzed an almost catatonic Weir around the room. Dipping and whirling, thrusting and weaving – showing that his genius extended to the classical arts as well as astrophysics. Initially shocked Weir found herself responding to the dance and as the closing bars sounded she thrust and weaved just as much as McKay.

As the dance concluded and the room erupted in cheers and catcalls Weir tried to collect a semblance of command, "Is anybody going to tell me what the hell is going on?"

John just shrugged, "Now that would break the rules."

Weir gave up and allowed McKay to lead her from the room, John once again looked up at Chuck and winked while the soundtrack started up again and people tried to copy McKay's moves, badly.

_Mission Six_

"Incoming wormhole, its SGA1," announced Chuck solemnly and disengaged the shield.

Weir nodded but did not walk down to meet the team, this time she was going to find out exactly what had been going on, there was more people than had ever been in the gate room except for emergencies and every one of them seemed to be expecting something.

There were grins, nudges and whispers of laughter. Morale had never been so high and Weir could not think of a time when everyone had got on so well. As she kept one eye on the wormhole Elizabeth realised she had no urge to run down and greet John, or the team – since Rodney had stayed in Atlantis this time.

Not that she would let anyone see but Elizabeth wanted to grin and laugh in joy, who would have thought Rodney McKay would make her so happy.

As John, Ronon and Teyla stepped through the Stargate Chuck looked expectantly at Weir but she just shrugged, "They're all yours."

Chuck instantly forgot about the whole human pyramid they had been about to form and stood up, beaming like a graduating teenager he raced down the stairs and came to a skidding halt in front of SGA1.

Hesitating for a moment Chuck finally managed to talk, "Welcome back John, I mean Colonel."

Sheppard gave Chuck an inquiring stare, "That's it?"

Chuck just shrugged as Sheppard glanced at his two team-mates and muttered, "Well we'd better do it anyway."

With that Teyla hugged Chuck and kissed him on both cheeks, "Chuck, you have made me very happy this day and for many others of late, I thank you."

As she moved back Ronon loomed over Chuck, looking fierce and exceptionally caveman-like (as McKay would say), his face split into a wide toothy grin however and he picked up Chuck in a bear hug, "It is wonderful to be home Chuck," he put the smaller man down and planted a loud kiss on his forehead, "It wouldn't be the same without you."

At that there was a chorus of objections from the gallery but Ronon flicked his hair back and caressed his pistol, "Anyone want to disagree?"

Not surprisingly he got no response.

Sheppard now shoved Ronon out of the way and gave his most winning smile, "You know this means I win right?"

Chuck snorted, "Why, _you_ haven't done anything."

Raising one eyebrow and moving closer John said just loudly enough for the others to hear, "A great general knows victory before the battle begins."

With that John lunged at Chuck and dipped him back, pausing as their lips grazed one another,

"Game over Chuck."


End file.
